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A woman who spent ten years in an abusive relationship said a new online support system to help domestic abuse victims could have saved her from years of violence.
The Post Office, eBay and the Ministry of Defence are among the first companies to implement the new online portal offering support and advice.
Charlie – not her real name – said being able to access specialist information would have helped her to leave her partner years earlier.
The portal, created by Royal Mail Group with charity Hestia, provides support, advice and helpful contact numbers for those who think they are at risk of domestic abuse. It is specifically designed to open in a pop-up window that can be minimised, has a ‘quick exit’ button and cannot be detected in internet history.
A link to the portal is added to the bottom of all internal and external web pages allowing people to anonymously and discreetly access potentially life-saving help, advice and contact numbers.
Speaking to Metro.co.uk, Charlie explained how she vowed to leave her partner the first time he hit her, when she was just 17. But a day after the first attack, he overdosed, drank a bottle of vodka, and was rushed to hospital.
She said: ‘I didn’t end up telling anyone. I didn’t know what I should do or how I should react. Or act towards him even.
‘So while he was in intensive care his family were kind of looking at me like “what had I said or what had I done to him” and it was that moment where I kind of felt more sorry for him than how it affected me.
‘A lot of the time he would say he doesn’t remember what he did last night and he would cry and I would end up consoling him but I would be the one going to work with fingerprints on my neck or covered in bruises.’
According to the most recent data from the Office for National Statistics, one in three women between in the ages of 16 and 59 will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime. In England and Wales alone, two women a week are killed by a current or former partner. By March last year 1.6 million women experienced domestic abuse.
During lockdown, Refuge reported a 700% increase in people using its helpline website while calls to the charity’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline surged by 25% in just one five-day period at the end of March.
Being able to chat to someone online anonymously – even if it was just to find some anger management help for her partner – would have been a huge help for Charlie.
She said that specialised, personalised information on domestic violence is vital because looking for help on the internet often gives people ‘generic things like “you need to have strength” rather than actual, local things that you can do’.
Sally Ashford, chief HR Officer for the Royal Mail Group, said: ‘By placing the link on high traffic websites like eBay and Post Office.co.uk, we hope that victims will be able to use the service discreetly if required, without placing themselves at further risk.’
Charlie said she now has a friend struggling with an abusive relationship who has ‘gone through phases where she wants to move out and she doesn’t want to be with him but she has no idea where to start’. Simply being told to go to a refuge or a hostel did not help because ‘in her head it’s not domestic abuse it’s just that he gets drunk sometimes and hits her’.
She said her friend’s partner has glassed her before and even dislocated her jaw but she ‘put off going to the hospital because she knows that a woman going in there with a dislocated jaw is going to get that side look and pressure to press charges’.
Charlie believes it is not knowing how to go about ‘the first initial steps’ of getting help that keeps people in abusive relationships.
Hestia, one of the largest providers of domestic abuse refuges in London and the South East launched domestic abuse and sexual violence campaign UK Says No More earlier this year. As lockdown hit, it launched Safe Spaces in response to the increased challenges faced by victims suddenly forced to isolate at home with their abusers.
In May, Hestia teamed up with Boots, Superdrug, Morrisons and a number of independent pharmacies to give the victims of domestic abuse a place to access support by creating a ‘safe space’ inside consultation rooms. Victims could enter under the guise of getting pharmaceutical help.
Now that help has moved online too. Lyndsey Dearlove, who heads the campaign at Hestia, said: ‘Lockdown restrictions due to Covid-19 have provided opportunities for businesses to respond to domestic abuse for both their staff and customers through their digital platforms.
‘By adopting Online Safe Spaces, eBay, Post Office and Ministry of Defence are helping to ensure more victims of domestic abuse can access the vital support they need, when they need it.
‘We know that when businesses take action, it saves lives, and we are pleased to have these organisations join Online Safe Spaces.’
Recognising abuse:
Source: Refuge
- Is your partner excessively jealous and possessive?
- Is he charming one minute and abusive the next? Does he have sudden changes of mood – like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?
- Is he stopping you from seeing your family and friends? Do you feel isolated?
- Is he constantly criticizing you and putting you down in public?
- Does he embarrass you, often in front of family and friends, so that you are seen in a bad light?
- Does your partner play mind games and make you unsure of your own judgment?
- Does he tell you you’re useless and couldn’t cope without him?
- Does he control your money?
- Does he tell you what to wear, who to see, where to go, what to think?
- Does he pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
- Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry?
- Does he monitor your movements? Or check up on you via your email, Facebook, Twitter or by looking at your text messages?
- Does he use anger and intimidation to frighten you and make you comply with his demands?
- Has your partner ever threatened you, or intimidated you by using violent language or smashing up the furniture?
- Are you forced to alter your behaviour because you are frightened of your partner’s reaction?
- Are you blamed for their behaviour e.g. they say you were “asking for it” or deserved the abuse?
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