A ‘bonkers’ London accountant claimed to be the first ‘human letter’ after posting himself to his father in 1900

COLUMN: The Postie Notes by Pete Malone

A few days ago, I was approached by a customer anxious to find a parcel they were expecting. This item was a pack of live crickets intended as a meal for a pet gecko. It got me thinking about the most unusual items that the post office can deliver.

It won’t be a surprise to learn that Royal Mail won’t deliver explosives, weapons, fireworks and matches, or other potentially harmful and dangerous products.

In the past, food was commonly sent and was often unpackaged because the rules stated game had to have a name label on the neck. So, crickets for your pet are still good to go.

In 1909 two suffragettes used the Royal Mail’s same-day service to post themselves to 10 Downing Street to deliver a protest message personally to Prime Minister Herbert Asquith, but a Downing Street official refused to sign for them and the delivery boy had to return them.

In 2022 we would put them in a nominated safe place and take a photo to show the delivery had been made.

These were not the UK’s first “human letters”. W Reginald Bray, a London accountant, who was described as either “eccentric” or “bonkers”, depending on your point of view, claimed to hold that honour, having posted himself successfully in 1900.

Postal restrictions obviously posed a challenge to Bray who purchased a copy of the Post Office Guide and discovered it was possible to send living creatures by Express Messenger as long as they were larger than a bee but smaller than an elephant.

As a result, he successfully posted himself and his bicycle to his father.

Other items posted included a frying pan, a rabbit skull, and a turnip, posted from Ireland with the address carved in to its flesh.

By the time of his death, aged 60, Bray is thought to have put about 30,000 items in the mail. These included messages sent in unusual envelopes such as a crocheted letter, created for him by his mother, and a postcard addressed to “The Driver, Locomotive No. 133, Caledonian Railway, Glasgow Station”.

One letter sent to Santa Claus and asking for him to call late in December was returned marked undeliverable. Nowadays it would be forwarded on and an answer sent assuring the sender that the addressee would be delighted to visit and thanking them in advance for any refreshments which might be provided.

He also posted his Irish terrier to a friend living nearby. It cost him three old pennies per mile and took six minutes for the dog to be delivered having been posted just before seven in the evening.

Most recently the Royal Mail post bus service in rural areas carried “live human beings”, and although not stamped and franked I count them as postal items.

A short history of the post bus service includes a story about a post bus asked to carry an empty casket to a remote location and then return with it “full”. The driver was fine with the outward trip but less so with the return journey. It was not a reluctance to carry a cadaver but, as he explained when challenged, he was unsure of the correct fare to charge his passenger.

Even in death the mail has to have the correct postage on even the most unusual of parcels but I hope that Bray has not inspired you to consider sending anything quite so unusual in the post.

Pete Malone is a postman at Bettyhill.

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