How to talk about death

I love to write about life, with all its ups and downs; how we can get through it and – hopefully – thrive. So you may be surprised to hear that this weekend, I am talking about the opposite – death – and the importance of recognising that all of our lives will end one day.

In facing the fact that we will all die one day we can potentially live more fully and more authentically right now.
The prospect of our lives coming to an end at some point in time is an unusual and unexpected gift – we are given the opportunity to recognise our mortality, prepare practically for that and – I think most importantly – appreciate living even more. It is perhaps only when we reflect on no longer having something, that we really appreciate its presence.

According to many UK surveys, the estimates for people having made a will are only around 40 per cent – that’s less than half of us.

Why? It may be because we just haven’t got around to it, or we feel it is not a necessary thing to do, or we don’t have the practical resources to do so. But I think if we are all being honest, it may also be because we don’t want to think about death. Why would we? To talk about our own deaths is generally considered to be layered in sadness and heaviness, and to be avoided at all costs.

The end of life is not something we are encouraged to speak about. In fact, we are encouraged to do the opposite – to be in denial and “leave it for another day”. I am pretty sure you won’t have read many articles or seen many television programmes about preparing for your own death. Similarly, although we are getting better, discussion about bereavement and grief are still not given the space they deserve considering that they are a universal human experience.

Death is part of life, so why are we so afraid of talking about it?

Instead of shunning it and pushing it away, we can take steps in or own lives to reflect upon it and realise that this could actually help us appreciate living more and support our wellbeing in the process.

Decision making

Reflecting on the fact that one day we will not be here anymore can help us get clearer about what we want in life, what is important and the direction we want to go in. It helps us realise what isn’t working and what we would like to change. It can give us the determination and courage to make decisions about our lives that maybe we would find difficult to make otherwise. It can make us shake things up and move things on when we realise our time is limited.

Appreciating people

Recognising our own mortality and preparing practically for our deaths can help us get clearer about who is important in our lives. Making clear decisions and plans for our deaths can relieve potential extra stress on them, and also can give clarity about who matters and why. We can reflect that back in our day-to-day lives now by making efforts to spend time with them, telling them we love them, and appreciating them every single day.

Being grateful for life

Gratitude is an excellent tool for wellbeing. Really understanding that one day we will not be here anymore and letting that sink in, can fuel a permanent sense of gratitude for every moment that we are alive and help us live more fully.

Life will always be challenging, and yet, gratitude for all of it, can help us reframe difficult times. Being grateful for the opportunity to be alive and for the chance to do something meaningful with our lives is surely one of the best and most innate of wellbeing tools.

So, you see, reflecting on the fact that one day our life will come to an end doesn’t have to be heavy or sad – it can actually be an unexpected and surprising way to live life more fully.