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This week, Lala offers advice to a reader, 19, who has been invited to Dubai for NYE by a 26 year old man she met online – she’s unsure if the idea is dangerous or if she should do it…
In Lalalaletmeexplain’s hit column, readers ask for her expert advice on their own love, sex and relationship problems. With over 200k Instagram followers, Lala is the anonymous voice helping womankind through every bump in the road. An established sex, dating and relationship educator, she’s had her fair share of relationship drama and shares her wisdom on social media to a loyal army of followers. Every week thousands turn to her to answer their questions (no matter how embarrassing), and her funny, frank approach to love and relationships has made her the ultimate feel-good guru. For this week’s column, simply continue reading…
Dear Lala,
I’m 19 and a man I’ve met online (he’s 26) has offered to fly me to Dubai for NYE and I don’t know whether to let go of my fears and just go for it or whether it would be dangerous and reckless of me to go. We met through Instagram when he sent me a DM. He’s from England but does trading, seems to have a lot of money, and spends most of his time in the UAE.
We’ve been talking for around 6 weeks on video call and voice notes too, so I know he’s not a catfish. He is funny and respectful and we get on really well. He contacts me daily and calls me his girl in front of friends. He has said that if I pay for and organise the flights he will transfer the money back to me and that I won’t have to pay for anything out there. I work full-time so I could pay for the flights but it would leave me in a difficult situation financially if he didn’t refund me the money. He has said that I can bring a friend and that he would pay for her too but my friends think it sounds too good to be true. He is really keen for me to come and talks about it constantly, literally every minute he is asking if I have booked the flights yet but there is something holding me back and I don’t know if I would be throwing away a potentially amazing man by not going or throwing away my own life by going. Please help!
Lala Says,
Do not go, your friends are right, this is too good to be true. Your gut instinct on this, your fears, and that voice that is telling you that this is a bad idea are all correct. Trust your instincts, not this man. Nothing you have said here sounds safe. And Dubai is not the place to gamble with your safety. A 26-year-old man flying a 19-year-old he barely knows to a different country, especially one with strict laws, limited women’s rights, and where you’d have no real protection, is a major risk. If something goes wrong, you’d have no rights, no safety net, no legal protection, no way to leave without your passport and no guarantee this man will keep you safe. Women have been arrested there for reporting assault. Testing the character of a near-stranger in Dubai of all places would be wildly dangerous.
You know very little about this man but what you do know is all rather red flaggy. Respectful men do not pressure you every minute to book flights. It might feel like enthusiasm on his part, but it’s actually more like coercion. He’s putting the pressure on and making you feel like you have to decide straight away without taking time to think. Him insisting you pay first and he’ll refund you later is a classic tactic used by men who are seeking financially vulnerable women, testing compliance and who want you to commit before you can back out. If he has as much money as he’s made out, then he could easily book the flights himself. He hasn’t. That tells you a lot.
It would not be too much of a stretch of the imagination to worry that this could be a trafficking scam. Women are often trafficked through scenarios like this using the lover boy method, where a man quickly builds intense emotional connection, love-bombs, and creates trust before isolating the woman when she is abroad, taking her documents, or placing her in a situation she can’t safely leave. It often starts with gifts, travel offers, and promises of romance and ends with control, exploitation, and sexual abuse. It is not worth travelling to Dubai to establish whether this is a trafficking scam or not.
The fact that he is calling you his girl in front of friends when you’ve never even met is not a good sign. He doesn’t know you. He can’t love you yet or know enough about you to decide that you are someone he wants to be in a relationship with. Labelling you as his girl this soon, before you’ve met, is a sign of love bombing. He is creating a premature attachment which is a big indicator that he wants someone he can control. He is testing out how much access he can get to you and how quickly you will comply. If he was truly genuine then he wouldn’t be pushing you to make a trip that you feel uncomfortable about, he would be willing to use his wealth to fly to the UK to see you. A safe and decent man who was genuinely interested in you would be happy to wait until you can meet on your home ground. A dodgy man would probably act quite miffed at the suggestion, he would make you feel guilty for not trusting him, he would continue to put pressure on you to fly out, or he might even withdraw and ghost you.
By not going I can promise you that you aren’t throwing away an amazing man. This is not an amazing man, he sounds like a man who wants you isolated and dependent on him in a foreign country. A good man would be happy to build your trust slowly. I could not be more sure that going is a very bad and dangerous idea and that there is no man in the entire world that is worth this risk. If you want to stay in contact then meet him on home soil first, in public, in daylight. If he resists, he is not someone you should ever travel with or see at all. Your life and safety are worth way more than a trip to Dubai and they are worth more than any man.
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