bitchy | Mail: Remember when the Middletons were insecure about Meghan Markle in 2017?

Over the weekend, the Daily Mail leaned into the fact that they’re not going to say one thing about the Princess of Wales’s disappearing act, nor will they discuss Prince William’s increasingly odd/creepy makeover. Instead, they’re going all-in on their years-long strategy of just screaming and crying about the Duchess of Sussex. The thing is, Meghan isn’t giving them much. She’s been making some quiet, low-key appearances here and there. She’s investing in female-owned businesses. She’s probably prepping her cooking show and her American Riviera Orchard line. So what can the Mail do with that? A whole lotta nothing. So they decided to dust off a storyline which is over seven years old.

For what it’s worth, I guess relatively new Sussex fans might not remember this vital part of the Sussex mythology, but in 2017, the Middletons freaked the f–k out about Prince Harry potentially bringing his beautiful American girlfriend to Pippa Middleton’s Bucklebury wedding. I still believe that this was the start of the Middletons doing way too much around Harry’s relationship with Meghan. Ahead of Pippa’s May 2017 wedding, the Middletons were openly briefing the Mail, the Mirror and everyone else about how Harry shouldn’t bring Meghan to the wedding. They devised what they thought was a clever ruse: “no ring, no bring.” The rule only applied to Meghan. Behold, the Mail’s top royal story on Saturday: “Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s excitement at attending Pippa Middleton’s wedding together was short-lived after they discovered the bride’s unusual request.”

Not yet engaged and less than a year into their relationship, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry were set to enjoy Pippa Middleton’s wedding reception in each other’s company. But the Princess of Wales’s younger sister had other ideas – with a strict seating plan that separated every couple in attendance.

It meant that instead of spending the evening together as a new couple, Harry was sat with ITV News at Ten presenter Tom Bradby while Meghan dined with Roger Federer’s wife Mirka. Guests enjoyed a meal of trout and lamb at the 2017 nuptials of Pippa and hedge fund manager James Matthews, washed down with ‘2002 Dom Ruinart Champagne’, according to Omid Scobie and Carolyn Durand’s biography of the Sussexes, Finding Freedom.

‘Sitting together in the custom glass marquee that had been erected on the 18-acre property should have been a fun night for the couple, but, per Pippa’s request, no couples sat together,’ they wrote. Harry and Meghan, who was still new to royal circles at the time, reunited near the dance floor after the meal. And while ‘the old Harry would have certainly closed at the bash with the rest of his friends’, Mr Scobie and Ms Durand note that the then 32-year-old prince instead spent the remainder of the evening catching up with his girlfriend.

The seating chart was not the only challenge faced by the pair that day, with Meghan absent from the ceremony at St. Mark’s Church in Englefield, West Berkshire. Pippa and her mother, Carole Middleton, apparently shared concerns that the presence of the royal couple might overshadow the big day. The future Duke and Duchess of Sussex eventually agreed it would be best for Meghan to avoid the church and media.

The authors of Finding Freedom say that Harry and Meghan then came up with a plan which saw them drive out to Berkshire on the day of the wedding. Meghan stayed in an Airbnb that a close friend had rented on her behalf while Harry attended the service in Englefield. Meghan did her own makeup and put on a black dress before Harry returned to the Airbnb for a spot of lunch with his partner. He then drove them both to the reception at the Middleton’s Bucklebury home.

What was the purpose of this trip down memory lane? The Mail included no new information, unless you count “Pippa and her mother, Carole Middleton, apparently shared concerns that the presence of the royal couple might overshadow the big day” as new info. Carole was practically calling up the Mail every day in 2017 to share her concerns about Meghan doing this or that, so no, it’s not news that Pippa and Carole basically told Harry that his girlfriend couldn’t come to the wedding. I always sort of wished that Harry had told the Middletons to go f–k themselves with this drama. It’s one thing for a bride to say “no kids at my wedding.” It’s quite another to say “no prince can bring his Black American girlfriend.” Harry should have called their bluff – they obviously wanted him to come, but they were trying to badger him in the press to leave Meghan in London. He should have just said “we’re skipping the wedding, congrats to Pippa or whatever her name is.”

I genuinely fear that the purpose of this piece was to say “Meghan is the worst, she didn’t let Harry party with his friends!” But it’s just reminding everyone that the Middletons are classless, tacky and that they were intensely insecure about Meghan from the start.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, WENN.