How we met: ‘The women’s loo queue was endless. I popped into the men’s – and found my perfect match’ | Relationships

In 2002, Sheema was enjoying single life, working for the Royal Mail and living with her best friend in a flatshare in Camberwell in south London. One October day, she met a friend for a drink after the gym. “She told me she was meeting her boyfriend and one of his friends later, and said that if I came along they’d likely buy us loads of drinks.” Still in her gym kit, Sheema wasn’t sure she fancied it but “she was quite convincing, so we ended up at a pub near Clapham Common”.

After a few drinks, Sheema excused herself to go to the bathroom. “The queue for the women’s toilet was going on for ever,” she says. To save time, she nipped into the men’s loos next door. “A bouncer came and told me I couldn’t be in there. As he was rushing me out, I asked him to show me the rules.” That’s when she bumped into Alfred. “He came up to me and said ‘There are no rules!’” she says with a laugh. “Straight away I noticed he was very much my type.”

Alfred, who was living in London and working as a painter and decorator, was instantly taken with Sheema. “I liked her immediately,” he says. They chatted for the rest of the evening and later they “shared a snog”. “We talked about philosophy, travel and I was really impressed by her resourcefulness,” he says. “I remember she had a BlackBerry phone and used it to order a pizza. That was over 20 years ago, so it wasn’t as easy as it is now!”

Sheema was instantly attracted to Alfred’s sense of humour and charisma. “He’s very good at conversation,” she says. “He really holds people’s attention.” Their relationship developed quickly and within a month she had moved into Alfred’s flat in Oval, south London. “I don’t think we were expecting it to be long-term when we first met. We just had so much fun together and then it evolved into more,” she says.

In 2005, they briefly split up. “We were not really ready for marriage and it felt like it had to go one way or the other,” says Alfred. “Sheema moved out but we carried on seeing each other all the time. We soon saw that the break up really wasn’t working, so we decided we just had to get married. For me, it was a good test because I realised I wouldn’t find anyone else I had the same connection with.”

The couple moved to Chingford in 2007 and married in Cape Town the following year. “Alfred is from Albania and I am Zimbabwean, so we knew our families would have to travel,” says Sheema. “Most of my family has moved to South Africa now, and Cape Town seemed like a beautiful location for the wedding. Our friends in the UK all travelled out too.”

The couple started trying for children soon after, but struggled to conceive. After going through IVF treatment, their son Massimo was born in 2010, followed by Xander in 2012 and Marco in 2014. “Massimo was born with cerebral palsy and Alfie stopped work to look after him for the first year,” says Sheema. “I was really overwhelmed by the medical side, but Alfie was really great and kept me calm.” Their son Xander was later diagnosed with ADHD, which has been another challenge for the family. “We’ve worked together to advocate for him and he’s in a good place,” says Sheema. Alfred now runs a construction company, while Sheema left a job in advertising to be a full-time volunteer with children who have special educational needs.

Alfred describes his wife as fiery, passionate and caring. “We have the same goals and targets. She’s the person who’ll sit down with me on a park bench when I’m old.”

Sheema says she will “never get bored” of Alfred. “Intellectually, it’s good to have a partner who keeps you engaged and, after all these years, I still feel like that. He’s a really good person too and that can be hard to find. When I see what a great dad he is to our boys, I find that really warming.”