‘My husband died suddenly when I was just 38 – here’s what nobody tells you’

Tracey McAtamney is made of strong stuff. Every day, the brave mum relives the horrific moment she was told her husband had suddenly died.

The widow was just 38 when she was informed her spouse Tony had suffered an abdominal aneurysm. It was 2004 and he had been on a regular golf trip to Spain.

Her phone rang at 1am in the morning and she experienced a sinking feeling – like she already knew what was coming. She stumbled into the bathroom and answered before someone on the other end uttered the terrible news.

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She previously recalled: “There was a silence and I just said: ‘he’s dead isn’t he?’ I remember sliding down the bathroom door and saying: ‘OK, I can’t talk now because [my son] Oliver is in the bedroom. I’m going to have to call you back.’

“It felt like someone had punched me in the chest. I crawled out of the bedroom because I didn’t want Oliver to see me. I just couldn’t face him.

“I opened [my older son] Anthony’s bedroom door where he was still awake with his friend and just blurted it out. Anthony just looked at me. We hugged and the tears came down.”

Tracey’s tragic experience means she is familiar with the emotional blow grief can deal. But her personal story also made her realise people need help with practical things after losing someone.

Tracey went on: “People are not meant to die on holiday. They are meant to come home. I had lost my husband, father of my children, our livelihood and, most of all, my best friend. How do you tell a seven-year-old that his daddy is never coming home? To this day that is the worst thing I have ever had to do.”

She later launched a foundation – Surviving Bereavement – aimed at helping others overcome loss. The organisation offers legal and financial advice as well as practical help. It runs monthly bereavement cafés in Balsall Common, Berkswell, Coventry, Kenilworth, Leamington and Solihull.

And now, Tracey is encouraging volunteers to help her expand across the region. She said: “Our aim is to raise awareness of not just the emotional aspect of grief but also the practical and the mental well-being required to survive bereavement. After someone dies you find yourself surrounded by paperwork. I realised quickly that people needed help.

“The café role is perfect for anyone with time to spare who is compassionate and can offer a listening ear. They would just need to set up the banner, welcome people and make introductions. People generally will then talk to each other. There will be signposting information for people to take away if required.”

Although Tony’s memory is never far away, Tracey is now settled with a new partner of more than ten years. She spends as much time as she can with her sons, three step-children and four step-grandchildren. She hopes her foundation can continue to provide support to those dealing with bereavement.

She added: “My motto is there is always a light at the end of a tunnel and always an answer to that impossible situation. That’s what Surviving Bereavement is here to help with.”

For more information on Surviving Bereavement visit its website here. To find out more about how you can get involved contact tracey@survivingbereavement.com.

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Got a story? Email: josh.sandiford@reachplc.com

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