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BROOKLYN BECKHAM’S wife Nicola Peltz has posted celebratory photos from her “best birthday yet”.
Which, considering it’s the first one since her compliant husband cut off ties with his reportedly heartbroken parents David and Victoria, can only lead us to assume the continued estrangement contributed to her seemingly unbridled joy.
But you can guarantee that one parent the young couple won’t be estranging from anytime soon is Nicola’s father Nelson, who featured heavily in her “best birthday yet”.
At the last count, his net worth stood at around $1.7billion.
ISN’T IT TIME THE 60-YEAR-OLDS WHO TROLLED BRIGITTE ACTED THEIR AGE?
EIGHT men and two women have been convicted of subjecting France’s First Lady Brigitte Macron to online bullying.
They spread malicious claims that the 72-year-old was born a man and cast doubt on her marriage to Emmanuel because of the 24-year age gap.
As the judge pointed out, they intended to hurt Ms Macron with “malicious, degrading and insulting language . . . about her supposed paedophile criminality”.
Considering the trolls all range in age from 41 to 60, the judge might also have added: “Now for God’s sake, grow up and find something more useful to do with your time.”
What is wrong with people? Are their own lives so devoid of friends, family or hobbies that they have to fill their days spitting untruthful bile at someone they don’t even know?
The poor woman has been tolerating this spiteful nonsense since 2017 and, at first, tried to ignore it.
But the rumours just kept on spreading, and the trolls with their baked-in conspiracy theories refused to back off. So quite rightly she took them to court.
One of them, an IT technician, claimed his posts were “just a joke”.
Ah, that old chestnut. But thankfully the judge wasn’t swallowing it.
Good. A variety of suspended sentences were handed out to those convicted and let’s hope it serves as a lesson to others like them that you can’t just trash someone’s reputation based on lies without suffering the legal consequences.
Next on the list is the US “influencer” and, yawn, conspiracy theorist Candace Owens, who led the charge with a video series called Becoming Brigitte.
The Macrons say they will provide scientific and other evidence to prove that Brigitte is, and always has been, a woman, and prove that Owens is guilty of criminal libel.
Can you imagine having to provide such intimate information to prove rabid trolls wrong? It beggars belief.
What a sad world we now live in.
SACKED RUBEN’S GRIN THE MONEY
IF reincarnation is actually a thing, then I’m returning as a football manager.
Portuguese Ruben Amorim is in line for a £12million payout from Manchester United after being sacked for clashing with bosses.
To boot (geddit?) he has already received £7.5million in wages since he started in November 2024 and his six backroom staff will also have to be paid off.
Here he is, shortly after the sacking was announced, grinning from ear to ear on a snowy walk in Cheshire with his equally thrilled wife Maria Joao Diogo.
Clearly, they’ve already mentally packed their bags for a return to warmer climes.
BEACH THE BOATLOAD
ANOTHER day, another RNLI boat rescuing a dinghy full of strapping young men and bringing them to our shores.
I get it that anyone desperate enough to board one of these flimsy vessels in search of a better life deserves to be rescued rather than abandoned to potentially capsize.
But as we supposedly have a “deal” with France that we pay them millions for, why the hell can’t the RNLI pick them up and promptly return them to the beach they came from?
AS the mother of girls, I spent most of the late 90s/early 2000s decomposing in the corner of a Claire’s Accessories shop while they browsed the Aladdin’s cave of plastic tat.
It was a weekend Mecca for tweenies so I’m surprised to hear that it’s gone in to administration.
A Claire’s spokesman blames “weak consumer confidence, highly adverse government fiscal policies and cost inflation”.
Sigh. When is someone, anyone, among those who purport to have the country’s best interests at heart going to twig that they’re getting it horribly wrong and slowly killing off the High Street?
AMAZON DELIVERS CALLUM
YES, yes, I know that everyone from Idris Elba to Paddington Bear has been mooted as “the next James Bond”.
But now it seems that the latest man being mooted as “the next James Bond” might actually be the next James Bond.
According to “sources”, Callum Turner– aka Mr Dua Lipa – is letting it be known he’s signed up to play the famous spy now that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has bought the franchise.
No confirmation of a storyline just yet, but rumours it involves a super-fast delivery man will hopefully prove unfounded.
JAIL SHOCK
A MURDERER who has absconded from an open prison near Bristol has a long history of violence behind bars, including attacking staff and leading a riot.
Begging the question: How was he deemed suitable to be moved to a Category D jail in the first place?
STRANGE STAMP CHOICE
ROYAL Mail has released a set of stamps featuring characters from the Netflix series Stranger Things.
Do the show’s primarily under-40 fans actually use stamps? But I digress.
Isn’t it a little curious that Royal Mail has chosen an American TV success instead of a wholly British one?
Although one assumes that a celebration of ITV’s Mr Bates Vs The Post Office was ruled out on the basis that it’s a national scandal that many people in authority would rather forget.
ORANGE PITH TAKE
ACTORS Megan Stalter and Paul W Downs, above, did their bit to prick some of the self-satisfied pomposity of the Critics Choice Awards on Sunday, by walking the red carpet dressed in copies of the satsuma-esque outfits donned by Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner last month.
If you haven’t yet seen the brilliant TV series Hacks, they steal every scene they’re in as agent Jimmy LuSaque Jr and his PA Kayla Schaeffer.
Track it down on Prime and bear witness to the best TV comedy double act since Joey and Chandler.
THE CAT’S WHISKERS
RICKY GERVAIS, already our edgiest and bravest comedian, says his upcoming animated sitcom for Netflix, Alley Cats, is his favourite thing he’s ever done.
“When you’re an adorable cat, you can say what the f*** you like. You can go further than anyone has ever gone.”
Miaow. Can’t wait.
DOG DAYS
DOGS now outnumber children in one in three neighbourhoods.
It’s known as the “dinkwad” phenomenon – dual income, no kids, with a dog – and is common among Gen Z and millennials who see their pooches as substitute babies. What nonsense, I scoffed to myself as I read the report. Dogs are dogs and should be treated as such.
Until I remembered my newly acquired Norfolk terrier, an eight-year-old former stud with a penchant for “marking” around the house, is wearing a dog nappy to try to break the habit. Can’t get more “baby” than that.
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