Psychotherapist’s seven word answer when child asks if Santa is real

We are the guardians of hope and tradition, and the magic gets passed from generation to generation

As Christmas approaches, parents of young children are braced for one of childhood’s biggest milestone questions: “Is Santa real?”. It’s a moment that can stir up more emotion than expected — not just for children, but for adults, too. Fiona Yassin, family psychotherapist, and clinical director of The Wave Clinic has shared guidance on how parents can navigate the tricky conversation with honesty and reassurance.

“Although parents know that it will come one day, the question ‘Is Santa real?’ can feel like a sad and heartbreaking moment for parents. It’s one of the first major untruths we tell our children, so it’s normal if it brings about big emotions,” says Yassin. “For parents, it can help to reframe the positioning. When parents talk about Santa, they’re keeping magic alive — the sparkle, hope, celebration, marking time, keeping tradition, and building a family culture. This is very different from wanting to deceive a child.”

Yassin said: “When a child asks, ‘Is Santa real?’ you could say, ‘Santa is real for those who believe,’ or, ‘The celebration of Christmas is real for you.’ It can also be useful for parents to find out more from children by asking, ‘What does Santa mean to you?’ or, ‘What do you think is real?’.

“The answers can help parents to put truth alongside tradition in a way that keeps the sparkle going. Then, when children are ready for a little more honesty, you could explain that as parents, we are the guardians of hope and tradition, and the magic gets passed from generation to generation.

“In truth, children have worked it out long before they ask mum or dad. They often play along with the story they’ve been taught to keep the magic alive for siblings and parents,” says Yassin. “So if your child then questions, ‘Did you tell me something untrue?’ you can say: ‘What I told you is that we are the custodians of all things magical. And now you’re becoming one of the champions who helps to give that gift.’ Magic, by its nature, isn’t meant to be a simple yes-or-no for young children.”

Yassin said: “Families decide how they want to create the gift of Christmas in a way that’s right for them. In other words, parents should keep the festive magic going in whatever way fits the family — tradition, mystery, make-believe. And, there’s nothing wrong with choosing not to take part, or with shaping the story in a way that feels right for your child.”